Zelda Fitzgerald, Misery's Newest Contributor, and an English Teacher's Stress-Free Grading Policy
Fake Literary News You Can Trust
Our top story today involves an English teacher who has cracked the magic code by just giving everyone in his class 85s.
But first, Zelda Fitzgerald is flattered just to make it into one of Francis Scott’s novels, and Paul Sheldon is allowing one lucky fan to “suggest” on his Google Doc.
Find yourself a nice, warm toilet seat and please read on.
The document owner can decide whether to keep all of those helpful suggestions...
One self-described "number one fan" in Colorado has been granted access to novelist Paul Sheldon's latest manuscript. Sheldon has given her "Suggesting" access on his Google Doc.
No word has been given as to why Sheldon has granted the fan the access, but sources say Sheldon is currently off the grid and hard at work on his latest novel. Perhaps he trusts the fan's input and is using her to keep continuity in his book's popular series?
Regardless, we can't wait until Sheldon and his lucky fan give the new novel "back to the world."
What an honor!
In a 1925 letter of personal correspondence with Dorothy Parker, Zelda Fitzgerald confided to her friend that she was "flattered and honored" with her depiction in her husband's upcoming novel, 'The Great Gatsby.' It is assumed that Zelda is referring to the character of Daisy Buchanan, a character of whom many in the literary world assumed was based on Zelda.
Daisy, known for her carelessness and lack of loyalty, eventually double-crosses Gatsby, going back with her husband Tom who provides her with wealth and security. As a representation of the amoral values of the '20s, it is unknown if Zelda carefully read the novel closely enough to realize that Daisy is actually what some might call a money-grubbing whore.
Zelda, known for her drinking and wild behavior, might actually believe Daisy is an inspiring, albeit tragic character. That or the crazy bitch just invented whatever she wanted in her head. The letter was uncovered and included into the Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald Museum in Montgomery, Alabama.
They're happy...I'm happy.
An English teacher at Beacon Middle School in Lewes, DE has cracked the magic code and found a balance between a stress-free classroom and happy personal life... by just giving everyone 85s!
Recently, the teacher gave up actually grading anything for real for a number of reasons: angry parent emails, pushback from principals, and disappointed students. To make things just a little easier on himself at home, the teacher began experimenting with just giving his students random numbers within a range of 82-93.
"I found that anything too close to a 79 reflects I might not have done my job, while anything over a 90 might seem too suspicious. I've discovered that 85 is the perfect number to satisfy all parties and keep everyone happy."
"Also, you want the parents of dumb kids to feel pride thinking their child is improving, while the smart kids feel challenged and start working even harder to attain that A."
He sipped his coffee and winked. "Which never comes."