Writer Finally Finds It in His Heart and Donates to Wikipedia
A Shocking Display of Selflessness
A writer who can barely afford rent was visited last night by three ghosts (among them the Ghost of Cut and Paste Future) and woke up deciding he would finally do the right thing and donate to The Wikimedia Foundation.
In a move that has baffled his financial advisor, the struggling author has announced the donation of his entire earnings to the Wikimedia Foundation. The meager sum—yet a fortune to this lowly scribbler—represents Finch's single-minded dedication to the free encyclopedia and his unwavering belief in the power of knowledge.
This one was a long time coming...
"It's not about the money," the author declared, adjusting his ironic Weezer glasses and pushing his greasy hair out of his eyes. "It's about the principle. Wikipedia has given me so much. Knowledge, inspiration, procrastination tools...you name it, they have it. It's only right that I give back."
He took out his card, blew on it, and waved it back and forth as if that would magically increase the amount of his balance or somehow improve his already terrible credit score.
He took out his card, blew on it, and waved it back and forth as if that would magically increase the amount of his balance or somehow improve his already terrible credit score.
"But let's not make a habit of it," he added.
When pressed for details about his financial situation (even though he regularly claims on social media that he is working on "big things), the author gave a vague and unconvincing explanation about living "off the land" by finding sustenance for his soul in the library. However, a source close to the writer (the guy who works at the bodega) confirmed that the author's primary diet consists of stolen Sweet'n Low packets and extra ketchup.
The Wikimedia Foundation, initially hesitant to accept a donation from someone demonstrably poorer than a church mouse, has softened their stance after witnessing the author's unwavering enthusiasm (and seeing him tag them in at least five posts where he bragged about it).
"We are humbled by Mr. Finch's generosity," said a spokesperson for the Foundation. "While the financial contribution itself is...modest, it represents the true spirit of Wikipedia - the free flow of information regardless of ....um... let's say 'individual circumstances.'"
"But we know just how much time he spends on our site. Let's just say he should probably be giving us credit as co-writers on a majority of his publications."
The author's act of selflessness has sparked mixed reactions. Some hail him as a modern-day Robin Hood, redistributing wealth to the masses in the form of free knowledge. Others, more cynical observers, see it as a desperate attempt to gain clout by calling himself "a shareholder."
"I wouldn't describe it as a great example of private philanthropy for the public good, but any other way to describe it escapes me right now," he said while putting on his favorite threadbare cardigan.
"Let's just call it my good deed for the day and leave it at that."
Regardless of the motivations, this author's story serves as a reminder that even the most impoverished among us can make a valuable contribution to society. And who knows, maybe his sacrifice will inspire others to dig deep into their wallets this season and donate those spare pennies they found under the couch cushions. After all, every little bit helps, especially when it comes to funding the server costs for random, obscure articles about 17th-century spoon-making techniques.