It's a battle for the ages, as Young Hemingway faces off against Old Bukowski in what some are calling the greatest drinking contest of all time.
The rules are simple: one open dive bar, one hour. The drinker who can consume the most and can stagger home to write about their experience with the most precise detail will be crowned the champ.
Not since "The Rumble in the Jungle" have two opponents been so evenly matched—both authors are rumored to have "hollow legs," which give them the capacity to consume an unusually large amount of strong drink.
Not since "The Rumble in the Jungle" have two opponents been so evenly matched—both authors are rumored to have "hollow legs," which give them the capacity to consume an unusually large amount of strong drink.
The 38-year Young Hemingway is coming hot off the heels of disappointing sales from his fifth book, 1937's To Have and Have Not. Despite its mixed reviews from critics, Hemingway has built up his taste for mixed drinks and will see the book as one of his great failures. This is “drinking Hemingway” in his prime; right on the cusp of it being really fun and on the brink of an actual side effect of a darker depression.
The 68-year Old Bukowski is ever-debauched and fully embracing his “Barfly” persona, leaning into the characterization of himself of being a fully-functional alcoholic. Despite his health issues, he's feeling good more or less; “some days are worse than others.” In preparation for his battle with Young Hemingway, he has cut back on the cigarettes and prostitutes, and is totally focused on taking down this "young upstart."
Sources close to both authors haven't fully disclosed what each guy's strategy might be, but based on notoriety, track record, and legendary rumor, we can assume Hemingway will work "light to dark," starting with the vodka, gins, and rums before moving into the whiskeys and scotches. He might get slowed down mixing daiquiris, but rest assured, he'll make up for the time with alcoholic content.
Bukowski, a little bit of a wild card, will have to start things off with his legendary drink, the boilermaker (he is contractually obligated by his sponsors Wild Turkey and Coors to start any drinking session with their products), before "just having at it," speed-pounding whatever bottle might be in his sight at that time.
Both authors are not without their weaknesses, however, making it very hard to predict how this contest might turn out.
Hemingway, known for his aggressive masculinity, might get deterred if he challenges a group of locals to a fist fight, cleaning the floor with several regulars before trying to get back on track and make up for lost time. Will black eyes and bloody knuckles ultimately be his undoing?
Bukowski will make it through the drinking portion of the contest without issue, but fans of the poet fear old Chuck might get sidetracked on his way home when he finds some crack whore in the gutter and starts making out with her. He will probably even take her home with him, jeopardizing the entire writing portion of the competition.
Taking all of this into account, Vegas has released its current odds and futures for the bout, placing Hemingway as a slight favorite:
Hemingway -200
Bukowski +180
However, this is subject to change if Bukowski is allowed to chainsmoke during the contest, a term Hemingway's camp has not yet agreed to.
If allowed, Hemingway doesn’t stand a chance.