VIP Mark Twain House Experience Features Tour of Man Cave and Favorite Shitter
Use Promo Code DINGLEBERRYFINN
Step back in time for a behind-the-scenes look at the life of Samuel Clemens!
Life was rough in the late 1800s, but just imagine having to share a house with the guy. The constant cigar smoke, the spitting and cursing during games of pool, and the constant turds he left in the toilet. Jesus Sam, there are other people living in this house!
Luckily for his wife and daughters, Twain eventually remodeled the famous Hartford residence, adding a private study, billiards room complete with a bar, and private bathroom (where he did his best thinking).
You can even sit on Twain's favorite shitter and dream up new ways for Twain to lose his fortune.
Yes, now you can enhance your current tour experience by upgrading to an all-inclusive VIP package that gives you entrance to Twain's Private Man Cave, a location where previously only his “mandem” like Henry James or William Dean Howells could access.
Since the museum is so desperate for people to visit, your VIP ticket basically gives you admittance to the entire built-on addition that Twain commissioned in 1885 after an argument with his wife about him and his friends being too loud. Like Twain when he regained his "freedom," you can pretty much do whatever you'd like once you upgrade.
Want to sit at the desk in his private study and write your own mildly amusing Horatian satire that points out the "I guess you had to be there" foibles of tourism during the Gilded Age? Go for it, we just hope it's funnier than The Innocents Abroad.
Want to invite your buddies to a game of snooker in the billiards room? You can be as loud and crass as you want, and feel free to crack open the humidor and help yourself to the Cubans Twain snagged right before the Spanish-American War.
And don't worry, you can say the N-word all you want as long as you are using it "educationally." All of your guests will be issued a similar "N Word Pass" that Twain himself claims he was given by Frederick Douglas.
You can even sit on Twain's favorite shitter and dream up new ways for Twain to lose his fortune. Want to invest in a magnetic telegraph? How about a steam pulley? Better yet, take a dump while thinking about "dumping" 4 million dollars you don't have in railroad stocks, just like Twain!
Also for a limited time, your VIP Experience ticket also gives you the ability to go on a Living History tour led by a house attendant in a sexy French maid outfit. On this "Overheard: The Secrets of the Clemens House" tour, a guide dressed up as Lizzie Wills will show you all the rooms where Twain and his side pieces like Katy Leary and Harriet Beecher Stowe (he called her Harriet Beecher Blow) would fool around right under the nose of the Misses.
Plan your visit today!