Very Hungry Caterpillar Now Considered an Invasive Species
Plus, That One Guy on Goodreads and Thornton Wilder Names His Famous Play
Hello, readers.
It’s been hard for me to focus and get words on paper (or screen for this matter) after America spoke last week and made a difficult decision.
Honestly, the choice has me questioning democracy in general. The American people can’t seem to be trusted when making these types of difficult decisions and frankly, I’m disappointed in how impulsive and carefree they are with their votes.
Of course, I’m talking here about America voting “The Bachelorette” Jenn Tran off of Dancing With The Stars.
Are you people blind? (Sorry, Stephen Nedoroscik). You obviously know nothing about Contemporary Dance or Salsa.
Tran’s vampire-themed contemporary routine got a 28 out of 30 and then she won her dance-off against the Olympian Nedoroscik. This put her tied for third place on the leaderboard.
Unfortunately, when the viewer votes were factored in, Tran was unexpectedly eliminated from the competition.
What the hell, America? Really?
A week has gone by and now hopefully you are regretting your decision. I hope now you’ll think twice before you carelessly cast your vote without regard. Now the rest of the world has to live with your irresponsible and impetuous actions.
And this is why America can’t have nice things.
Anyways…
This week’s top story is about The Very Hungry Caterpillar: environmental scientists have officially labeled it an “invasive species.”
Also, a man tries to imitate the prose of the book he is reviewing on Goodreads and Thorton Wilder’s decision to name his famous play.
It’s all here, reader. This is America…(skrt, skrt, woo).
Never a good idea.
In an attempt to make a name for himself in the Goodreads review world, a man is attempting to imitate the prose style of whichever author whose book he is reviewing.
At first he did David Foster Wallace, applying a neurotic, cerebral view of the book by focusing on its most mundane details. His second was Faulkner, building an atmosphere using lots of imagery and a lack of punctuation.
He is flirting with Jose Saramago next.
"I took Creative Writing in college, so my account is going to be pretty clever," the man told us. He then uttered those horrible words: "Follow me on Goodreads."
Got us out in the freaking middle of nowhere…
In 1938, Thorton Wilder produced and published the Pulitzer Prize winning play 'Our Town,' about small-town life in the fictional New Hampshire town of Grover's Corners.
But before deciding on the universally inclusive title of 'Our Town,' Wilder originally played with the longer title, which he used to poignantly attack Peterborough, the dull, boring town which served as the author's inspiration for Grover's Corners.
The play was first called 'Our Bumfuck Town' in several drafts; Wilder even called the play 'East Bumblefuck Town' and even 'Bumfuck Nowhere.' Eventually, he and his publisher decided to drop any reference to how shitty life in New Hampshire is and rewrite it through a more rose-colored lens.
The rest is history.
Zebra mussels. Buckthorn. Cane toads.
These are some of the most well-known and destructive non-native species that have invaded America’s lakes and forests. They threaten the ecosystems both in water and on land and are devastating to the environment.
Now, scientists have added The Very Hungry Caterpillar to that list. These egg-born, destructive larvae can quickly degrade soils and feast on garden plants and fruits, destroying entire crops.
They’re called “very hungry caterpillars” because of their insatiable hunger for food in numerical sequences. For example, these caterpillars will eat two pears on Tuesday, and then move on and eat three plums on Wednesday.
The sequence can get out of control and no food is safe.
At this rate, America’s entire food supply can get destroyed in his wake.