The Veldt, My Morning Liquor, and an English Teacher Gets the Warm Feelies
Your Daily Dose of Fake Literary News
Good morning, dear reader.
Our top story is about the only way an English teacher gets to experience anything even remotely close to a warm feeling.
But first, a public school has decided to let its students use the Veldt during study halls and writers everywhere agree on something.
Let’s do it (and by “do it” of course I mean ‘let’s fall in love’).
Proper use of technology?
Confident that nothing can go wrong, schools have begun replacing their study halls with student trips to The Veldt.
An enclosed, fully digitized room, students have taken to calling it "the Veldt" after they have been able to tailor the room's visuals to their preferences -- and a shockingly high proportion of them have chosen the African savannah!
While teachers admit that they are a bit troubled that the students keep on making lions eat faculty members, administrators insist that it's nothing that a few restorative justice circles won't fix.
Good luck with all that.
Also, a cigarette CAN be breakfast.
Writers might not agree on everything--best time of day to write, word processor vs. notebooks--but one thing that they can totally agree on is that liquor out of a coffee mug is basically coffee.
That also goes for beer or wine...if it is drunk out of a mug, it's coffee. And it's okay, no matter what time of day.
Writers everywhere plan to formally adopt this idea into legislation and will move forward with it immediately.
Starting now.
Otherwise, completely dead inside.
An English teacher at Denmore High School in Roaring Brook, PA hasn't felt anything resembling a "warm feeling" in years. Unless of course you count all of those recently made copies of the Macbeth test she is holding against her bosom on the way back to class.
"On most days, I feel nothing," she admitted. "But on test days, I get to feel the warm embrace W. B. Mason and the hundreds of trees I killed on the way to find out my students didn't actually read any of the play."