The Pickle Car, the Wife of Bath, and a Dumbass Kid Tries to Return a Library Book
A Roundup of the Fake Literature News You Care About
Thanks for spending your day with us, dear reader. Bless your heart!
Our top story is about a dumbass kid returning her library book at the wrong library. But perhaps she knew what she was doing all along…
Also the J.D. Power rating for the Pickle Car is in, and we profile a
famous widow looking for a future ex-husband. Let’s get this party started…
The results are in...
Receiving some of the lowest scores JD Power has ever awarded a car, Mr. Frumble's Pickle Car failed in all four categories used by the consumer insight and advisory service.
The car rating system, whose scores are based on user response and feedback, could not verify that the Pickle Car was dependable, of any notable quality, could perform on an actual road, nor was designed well.
To add to its low score, the review panel noted that the type of pickle used by the manufacturer was a nasty-ass bread and butter, and not even kosher.
The Pickle Car was evaluated alongside other cars made out of food, which might have hurt its chances of winning any awards. Lowly Worm's Apple Car scored the highest in design, while Bananas Gorilla's car took the highest honors in performance and quality.
Each year, thousands of pilgrims go on a journey to Canterbury to visit the shrine of Thomas Becket to give thanks or pray and seek help for their problems.
Also, this pilgrimage is a great place for a hook-up or to do some scouting for the next future ex-husband, at least in the case of the Wife of Bath.
Married and divorced five times over, the seasoned Wife is a world-traveler and has tons of experience both on the trail and in the bedroom.
Wearing new shoes and fine clothes, the Wife is living high off of the preceding divorce settlements or death benefits of her previous husbands. Now an independent woman, the Wife is out on the prowl for her sixth (and what she hopes will be her final) husband.
And if no serious suitor materializes, well not to worry...what's wrong with just getting a little quick Pardoner's "tail?" Slay, queen.
Our guess is dumbass...
A student at the Lyle Elementary School in Bridgeview, IL just returned her library books from the Bridgeview Public Library to her school's library return bin. A copy of '“Harriet the Spy,” clearly marked with public library binding and stickers, was found in the school’s book return bin.
School librarians question the true motive behind the action: is the child a power player getting the school librarian to do her work for her or just a dumbass who doesn't know the difference between buildings?
Whichever it is, they'll definitely be keeping an eye on this one—either for special services offered by the district or as a potential future supervillain who should be monitored around the clock.
It’s nice knowing you, reader. We’ll see you down the road apiece.