The Honda Odysseus, a Quixotic Midlife Crisis, and J.K. Rowling is Placed on Career-Suicide Watch
A Literary Roundup Worth Reading
Thanks for spending your day with us, dear reader. Bless your heart!
We’re covering Odysseus’ Odyssey in a Honda Odyssey and examining how men agree that the events of Don Quixote are the symptoms of a typical midlife crisis.
But our top story involves another career-suicide watch for author J.K. Rowling. She might actually do it this time…
But without any further delay, we give you the fake news you deserve.
Hero-friendly features galore...
The Honda Odyssey is ranked #1 in Minivans by U.S. News & World Report and perfect for trying to find your way back home.
The redesigned Odyssey is ready to take on adventures in style, with enough seating space for up to 8 of your best sirens or soldiers.
MSRP: From $30,790 - With a down payment of any loot plundered from the city of the Cicones.
MPG: 19 city / 28 highway/ 32 high-seas
Towing capacity: 3,500 lbs- perfect for hauling all those dead bodies of the suitors to a landfill.
Dimensions: 203″ L x 79″ W x 68-70″ H. Perfect for navigating the tight fits between the Scylla and Charybdis.
People who have a midlife crisis are thought to be struggling with their own mortality and, somewhere during "midlife," they ditch some of their normal responsibilities in favor of acting like a knight errant.
But the emotional turmoil some people experience during midlife doesn’t always lead to major lifestyle changes that involve your brain getting warped and the desire to pursue unrequited love.
In fact, a midlife crisis could turn into something positive, like chivalry, fighting against injustice, and then retiring to the countryside to become a shepherd.
Men everywhere agree that the events in Cervantes’ Don Quixote are the normal side-effects of a midlife crisis. The cool sports cars, young ladies-in-waiting, getting tough with windmills...
Pretty typical.
Not again...
J.K. Rowling's longtime publishing company, Bloomsbury Publishing, has officially put the author on another "career suicide watch" after her latest attempt to make it all about her.
Yesterday, the hate-spewing, former welfare witch created a post (completely unprompted, might I add) where she asked for her own arrest after new Scottish hate crimes went into effect. The infractions in question is her litany of anti-trans vitriol posted to Twitter/X.
The publishing company, with the help of Warner Bros, had tried many other tactics to get the outspoken author the proper help she needed, but based upon her most recent outbursts, realized they must keep her confined in her room without her X account.
We spoke to the head of Bloomsbury about the uncommon move: "Normally, when someone is feeling suicidal, you get them to talk. Here, it is just the opposite. We need her to shut up!"
Warner Bros also commented on the situation: "We are hoping the time off of social media platforms will allow the current climate surrounding Rowling to cool off just in time for the reboot of the Harry Potter franchise.
It’s been nice knowing you, reader. We’ll see you down the road apiece.