The Hill We Climb Is Steep Indeed

Plus, a Shirtless Hemingway, Ulysses, and The White Witch Promises to Make Narnia Great Again

Hello, readers.

If you know me in real life, you know that I have a personal vendetta against Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker. I was all set to write my editorial about what an awful person he is and the karmic retribution of his sad performance this past Super-Sunday.

I am a certified Butker hater, which is okay because Kendrick Lamar taught me that it’s okay to be petty and I should own it.

If you don’t remember, last year Butker announced during a commencement speech that a woman’s life only truly begins with marriage and motherhood. He used the term “rightful place” when referencing a woman’s home. He was dragged, is dragged, and will continue to be dragged for these comments.

If you didn’t watch, Butker’s team was losing so badly that his team never needed him for a field goal, didn’t score a touchdown so there was no need for an extra point, and didn’t use him for the two onside kicks they attempted in the fourth quarter.

His rightful place was on the sideline for the entire game.

I think Serena Williams (a happily married mother AND successful athlete) was even on the field longer than he was.

Anyways…

The editorial that I feel compelled—nay forced—to write is about book banning in the lovely state of Florida.

All book bans irk me, but this one really takes the cake.

If you didn’t see this last year, an elementary school in Escambia County (part of the larger Miami-Dade area) deemed Amanda Gorman’s poem “The Hill We Climb” as offensive and removed it from shelves in their elementary schools. In an attempt to keep it quiet and avoid headlines, administrators did what I call a “soft-ban,” which is to move the title up to the Middle School where it “better suits” middle-school students.

The “banned” book in question.

This is where we are now, people: banning poems.

And let’s be clear: this is a book ban.

“The Hill We Climb” is about building a fairer, freer, better America. Yes, climbing the hill will be tough, but together we can do it.

I guess Gorman didn’t realize just how steep the hill is. Upon learning that her book was banned, the poet said that she was “gutted.” She recently spoke about the ongoing ban in several interviews on a press junket for a new book titled Girls on the Rise.

“There are so many book bans happening right now, and it’s terrifying if you really pay attention to what that means for children’s right to read and learn—and for teachers and libraries,’ she added.”

The story is putting book bans back into the spotlight after it was revealed that Gorman is rightfully suing the school, putting the district, state, and book-banning back in the spotlight. One of her claims is that the district is restricting the students access to literature from diverse authors.

Penguin, Random House, PEN America, and several other authors and community members have also sued the district in an attempt to turn up the heat.

Sadly, if this is a free-speech suit, she probably won’t win. A school district has the right to pick and choose which titles they can and can’t have in their classrooms. Since the library isn’t public, staffed by a certified teacher, and an extension of the classroom and curriculum, Gorman probably doesn’t have a case.

The saddest part about this is that just one parent (yes, you read that right—ONE parent) thought the book had “indirect hate messages” and was thereby “not educational.” Not only did the parent attempt to ban Gorman’s poem, but also The ABCs of Black History and Love to Langston, a book about the life of Langston Hughes.

All three of these book bans were upheld and the school district has sided with the parent.

I feel compelled—nay forced again—to tell you that the intended age for The ABCs of Black History is 5 years old, but now it is “rightfully” at home in a Florida media center that services students in the age group of 11-14.

Florida schools doing Florida things, man.

You might be asking yourself if the school district has any merit in their decision? The last time you (an adult) probably read or heard “The Hill We Climb” was during President Joe Biden’s inauguration. Remember, the book with the poem is really for kids so you might have not revisited it lately.

Needless to say, it would be hard to cast any of the stanzas Gorman has written as hate-coded or even remotely offensive.

If I had to think like one of these Moms for Liberty (ie. racist numskulls), perhaps I could twist pages 12 and 13 to sound a little Critical Race Theory, which the Governor banned in 2022.

Amanda Gorman took to X where she mentions that pages 12 and 13 were part of the parent’s complaint. Here is the tweet from Gorman:

Here’s what pages 12 and 13 actually hold:

We’ve braved the belly of the beast.

We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace.

And the norms and notions of what “just is”

Isn’t always justice.

And yet the dawn is ours before we knew it.

Somehow, we do it.

Somehow we’ve weathered and witnessed

A nation that isn’t broken, but simply

unfinished.

Again, not sure if this is a passage that the Liberty Mom even referenced because so rarely does the book-banner even read the book that they are trying to ban. I am reminded in the past of adults without children in the school district reading salacious, out-of-context passages at school board meetings in an attempt to shock and sway.

But nothing here could even remotely shock. If anything, these words do the opposite. They inspire, give hope, and empower.

Actually, I’m kind of surprised Trump doesn’t try to steal the first part of it as a way to defend the actions of the January 6th insurrectionists.

And if the parent is going for the Critical Race Theory angle, then shouldn’t the book be totally removed from all library shelves in the district?

I think I know what happened here…

The parent is probably super-annoying all the time at school board meetings (and looks annoying, by the way—when you see her, you’ll know what I am talking about), and in an attempt to quietly quell her, they met her half way and removed the book from the elementary school media center to pacify her.

But this is exactly where they screwed up: attempting to appease one parent. They were hoping it would be quiet and the issue would just go away.

And now, the issue is back in national news in an embarrassing situation poorly handled by the superintendent and school board (who should all be fired or resign).

What they should have done is shook off the parent as the crazy loon that she is and written her complaint off as having no real grounds. They could have easily said, “Thank you for your opinion, but we think the book should stay because it is a great poem and has academic merit.”

For far too long, school districts run by cowardly administrators have let these lunatic parents run rampant on them. In situations even less dramatic than this one, parents and adults in the community have had too much power over school decisions that they have zero education on. In no other sector of society would we allow someone with political motivations to have so much sway.

If a Mom for Liberty went into any business or establishment and started spewing some backwards-ass shit that they read on Facebook, she would be swiftly removed from the property by security and treated as the lunatic that she is.

Why do we allow these people to make decisions in our schools? What credentials does this one parent have? Why should everyone have to suffer for this one person whose feelings might be hurt?

The Right is always calling people on the Left “snowflakes,” but being offended by something that is in no way offensive is the definition of being a snowflake.

But do you want to know the best part?

After the story broke and information about the parent who complained went national, it was revealed that the woman is named Daily Salinas (God, I love public information) and that she has ties to hate groups and regularly posts antisemitic content online.

She’s even fucking attended Proud Boys rallies! You can read more about this piece of shit’s ties to hate groups in this Guardian article.

Just look at that face.

And yes, that is Enrique Tarrio she is standing next to, the neo-fascist seditionist.

Are you fucking kidding me? How does this happen? How did the district not know this? (Unfortunately, they probably did). How can they even entertain this? How can they let this woman affect school decisions? This is what we would call a PR catastrophe for the school district.

So, I ask: is the book really offensive, or is there something more nefarious at play here? It doesn’t take a genius to see the writing on the wall.

This isn’t about “offensive content” or “Critical Race Theory.” It is just about race.

Salinas not only appeared at Proud Boys events, but also is involved with the CCDF, the County Citizens Defending Freedom USA, a group so right-wing and controversial that they are regularly watched and constantly under investigation by government sanctioned watchdog groups. In short, Domestic Terrorist Lite.

To put the icing on the cake, Salinas has posted about the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, an antisemitic text that falsely discusses the Jewish plan to take over and dominate the world.

This. This is the person the school district kowtowed to? No word if the school district is going to reverse its decision and reshelf the book in the elementary schools because ya know, the person making the complaint is basically female Hitler.

And you know what, like Salinas, I too am concerned about our education system if they would so quickly take what one private citizen says or thinks and turn it into policy. Are schools so cowardly, so easily bullied by parents? What are we teaching our students?

A quick lesson for the students in that district: do a quick Google search on the people you allow to sway policy in your schools.

But the best part, I would even go as far to say as this is the fucking cherry on top (remember when I said that the book-banners haven’t even read the books that they are trying to ban?) is that Salinas revealed that she HAS NOT READ the books she is trying to ban!

Even though she criticized the books for having “indirect hate messages,” “references to to CRT,” and “gender indoctrination,” she claims to have only read snippets of the books.

This is actually the direct quote from Salinas:

“I’m not an expert. I’m not a reader. I’m not a book person. I’m a mom involved in my children’s education.”

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! Are you kidding me?

Even she admits she’s not an expert!

The hill we climb is steep, indeed.

Anyways…

Our top story is about the White Witch’s promise to make Narnia great again.

Also, two hikers believed they spotted Sasquatch but it just turned out to be shirtless Hemingway.

And finally, after putting it down after only reading a few pages, Joyce’s book Ulysses can double as a bonus doorstopper. Sweet!

The new dawn blooms as we free it, For there is always light…

Two local men spotted something they will never forget. It was late Monday evening when they found themselves staring at something resembling Bigfoot or Sasquatch.

Turns out it was just shirtless, 1950s era Hemingway.

The figure had the characteristics of Bigfoot, however-- hairy, upright-walking, and ape-like. Seems to leave a mess wherever it goes.

Scientists have discounted the existence of Bigfoot, considering it to be a combination of misidentification, folklore, and too many daiquiris.

265,000 words. Zero doors closing.

Use Joyce's Ulysses to hold a door open, keep a door closed, or prevent a door from opening too widely!

Considered one of the most difficult books in the English language, some believe reading 'Ulysses' is both enjoyable and provocative. Then again, many will never open it or just read a quick synopsis...but still later claim it as a literary masterpiece.

But once you've thumbed through a few pages, this decorative and invariably heavy object will also prevent the doors in your home from swinging shut. Bonus!

Hmmm....

Jadis, the White Witch of Narnia, declared that the golden age of Narnia begins now and vowed that the land's challenges and enemies would be "annihilated" under her new regime. The speech comes on the heels of the death of a magical tree that she claimed was "rigged" to keep her at bay for over a thousand years.

Now, flanked by her secret police, Hags, Cruels, and Ogres, she has usurped power in Narnia. Attacking those who oppose her, she has lashed out at her enemies and turn many adversaries into stone.

Casting the land into an eternal winter, Jadis promises to fulfill her destiny and complete the mission she set forth years ago. Yes, it will be tough for a while, but sacrifice is essential to achieving her vision.

She also has declared that all humans must be sought out and expelled from Narnia at once.

With her is Ginarrbrik the Dwarf, whom she has empowered to help her carry out her evil agenda.