The Annual XMas Wrap-Up
Plus, the Fear of Christmas Yet to Come
Hello, readers.
If you have been paying attention to the news, you know that 2024 was the scariest year yet, or at least a harbinger of the scariest years to come.
Despite this routine of scare tactics from mainstream media, I do have a fear of Christmas Future, but unlike Scrooge, my conscience is clear and I am ready to die in either a class war, another pandemic, or World War III.
Take your pick—because according to the news, all three are happening very soon.
Now I know I’m not usually so doom and gloom, but this past year in particular has me off-kilter, miles away from my normal joky self.
Something about the impending presidency just has me a little twisted. Not sure if you remember what happened last time, but this Trump administration will be even more of a disaster when it comes to environmental issues.
Trump claims to be anti-woke and business-friendly, but mainly his agenda is about deregulation of just about every environmental policy that either him or one of his tail-baters didn’t write.
The scariest part of Trump’s deregulation agenda involves the environment; last presidency, Trump took 74 actions to weaken environmental protections.
Unfortunately, Democrats must not be too concerned because Presidential hopeful Kamala Harris never once called him out or took him to task for the catastrophic record.
Instead of dick-measuring their crowd sizes, Kamala should have focused on Trump’s roll-back policies to address climate change, his support of the fossil fuel industry, and his disruption of our nation’s core environmental laws.
While both parties seem to be more focused on inflation and culture wars, we will likely have more frequent and intense extreme weather events like heat waves, droughts, floods, and wildfires, rising sea levels threatening coastal communities, disruptions to ecosystems and food production, increased spread of certain diseases, and potential water scarcity in some regions, impacting human health and infrastructure significantly, particularly in vulnerable areas.
Fear of Christmas Yet to Come, indeed.
But don’t worry. Trump will have us saying “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays” in no time, but now, no one will be able to hear you under rising sea levels.
Anyways…resilience is accepting your new reality.
Our Xmas wrap-up involves the gift of fruitcake, those annoying Whos in Whoville, and that peeping creep, Jacob Marley.
A Happy New Year to those who celebrate…
Only a psycho would give the gift of fruitcake.
Leading up to holidays, a "Secret Santa" of sorts was leaving gifts for the Finch children: sticks of gum, small dolls, a pocket watch. But what kind of psycho would leave a fruitcake in the knothole of the tree? A Secret Psycho, of course!
The Finch children are thankful for their other gifts, but a little disappointed with their most recent one. A fruitcake? Really? Even the Cunninghams wouldn't eat that.
Given the reclusive nature of the gift-giver and the low-quality of the present, it is safe to say that this situation is beginning to get a little creepy.
A quick holiday quiz…
The Whos definitely had it coming because they--
a) have no respect or courtesy for their neighbors
b) flout local noise ordinances
c) have smug, self-righteous looks on their faces
d) are druggies addicted to Who-Hash
e) all of the above
Dude's a freak.
While explaining the purpose of his late night visit, Marley's ghost accidentally let it slip that this is not the first time that he has visited and watched Scrooge. When pressed further about this, Marley tried to pretend that it's not like he "liked it or anything."
"That is no light part of my penance," stuttered the embarrassed Marley.
Thinking about all the times he walked around his flat naked, Scrooge politely changed the subject. But there was no denying it certainly was going to be weird between them for the rest of the night.