Sunday Brunch, Marlfox Fighting Rings, and a New Librarian Drops Her Debut Bulletin Board
Your Fake Literary News Roundup
Thanks for spending your day with us, dear reader. Bless your heart!
A Sunday Brunch turns into something out of Trainspotting and authorities arrest a British man for an underground Marlfox fighting ring.
But our top story involves a new librarian at the Addison Public Library getting some serious street cred for her debut bulletin board.
Let’s do this thing.
What started out as a "funday Sunday" with the girls at brunch, has turned into her "worst nightmare Monday" with some of the lads from Edinburgh.
Mikayla Donahue had no idea brunch was going to get so out of hand, but after her third Blackberry Champagne Bellini, she found herself making some questionable decisions, replete with opium suppository muling and a small-time drug deal gone wrong.
"Next time I'll be sure to eat a little more toast," she said, crawling out of the Worst Toilet in Scotland.
Choose bellini. Choose mimosa.
Finally got him!
British author Brian Jacques was arrested late Tuesday night, after over 60 marlfoxes were seized from his home.
According to authorities, animal control officers and police responded to Jacques' home after a community tip led them to obtain a search warrant.
Once at the home, investigators seized various paraphernalia including several battle axes and a medieval mace; some 200 poison-tipped arrows were also found in a hallway closet.
Jacques went into full bloodwrath mode but was easily subdued when several officers tased him into unconsciousness.
Pinterest losing they damn mind...
After gaining a huge fan base with several underground bulletin boards, Rachel McCluskey set the Addison Public Library on fire after she dropped her debut "Id Rather Bee Reading."
Never before has a librarian so fresh off the streets been given an opportunity to be so creative with the feature bulletin board in the main lobby.
"That's usually Gale's bulletin board," said Brooke Sievers, the assistant library director. "But since she's out with surgery on her bunions, we'd thought we'd give the new kid a shot."
Not only did the bulletin board feature a pun, but the accompanying book display also featured books with a "springtime feel." Many patrons are taking selfies in front of it and posting to Facebook, a first for the branch.
McCluskey might be new to Addison, but she's actually been doing this for a while, as many regional libraries in Illinois have had her "ghost create" several of their more clever bulletin boards that went viral.
"We can't wait to see what she can do with our summer reading display," said Sievers, “but we anticipate straight fire.”
It’s been nice knowing you, reader. We’ll see you down the road apiece.