Splash Mountain Gotta Go, But Hall of Slave Owners Still a Go?
Embarrassing Attraction Somehow Goes Another Year Without Being Cancelled
You’ve spent a small fortune on a family vacation to go to Florida (aka America’s “Swamp Dick”) only to be met with unbearable temperatures, long lines, and literally the worst people that the country has to offer.
What better way to salvage a fun-filled day with your ungrateful family than taking a break from 25$ turkey legs and tiara-clad toddlers and taking a ride on your favorite attraction from childhood, the iconic Splash Mountain!
What’s that you say? It was removed for its racist backstory and connection to the 1946 musical Song of the South? Yes, that Br’er Rabbit…he is troublesome.
Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah, then.
So when walking back from Frontier Land, you decide to reluctantly cut through Liberty Square because you think there might be beer at the Liberty Tree Tavern (sadly, there is not).
But while deciding between a 12$ bottle of water or just drinking your own spit, you look across the way and spot The Hall of Presidents, an attraction only reserved for those desperately needing to sit or those in dying need for AC.
Hmmmm…
That’s when you remember that 12 of the 45 individuals who served as president owned slaves. By proxy, that’s 12 Disney characters who then also owned slaves.
I guess the Georgian plantation which serves as the setting to Song of the South not looking too out of place here within the Disney multiverse. I’m sure each and every one of these slave-owning presidents would be able to recognize it or one just like it.
That’s when you remember that 12 of the 45 individuals who served as president owned slaves. By proxy, that’s 12 Disney characters who then also owned slaves.
Wait, before we go any further, let’s name these slave-owning presidents shall we?
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, Andrew Jackson, Martin Van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, and Ulysses S. Grant.
Now the degree of their slave ownership varies from the absolute worst like Washington, Jefferson, and Jackson who were savage slave-mongers to the most minor like Grant, who inherited one slave through marriage or Johnson, who was bitten by remorse and later in life set his 8 slaves free.
But make no mistake: a slave is a slave, and a slave owner is a slave owner.
Now armchair historians might rush to their defense and say that these men were just a product of their time or they were just businessmen within Southern economies that either relied on human labor. Some, they might say, didn’t even “know any better.”
Uh-uh.
John Adams, the second president of the United States and contemporary to Washington and Jefferson, did not approve of slavery and never owned slaves. In fact, when they were building the Executive Mansion with slave labor, Adams and his wife forbid the use of unpaid labor.
And then his son, John Quincy Adams, the sixth president of the United States, was also a lifelong opponent to slavery and for years battled a gag-rule in the House of Representatives which prevented him from discussing slavery on the floor.
Now before those same people who defended the Southern presidents try to say the Adamses were elitist, born with silver spoons from a high-society of Massachusetts doctors and deacons without a need for slaves, just remember that Martin Van Buren was from New York, owned an inn, and also owned people.
He also didn’t have any need for slaves, yet he not only owned slaves but also even brought slave-labor into the White House.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s start with the George Washington, who according to the The Hall of President’s narrator, “led America to victory over the British along with his Native American allies.”
Really? They have the audacity to mention the Native Americans during this thing? Remember, one of their animatronics once gave a speech to Congress advocating for Indian removal and genocide (we’re looking at you, Mr. Jackson).
Washington, who usually gets a free pass when it comes to this tough conversation, not only had 123 slaves upon his death but at one time, he and his wife owned over 300 slaves at Mount Vernon! And how about this—Washington purposefully kept his slaves out of Philadelphia, the nation’s capital while he was in office, so none of his slaves would gain their freedom by being a resident of Pennsylvania.
Or then to have the grinning Thomas Jefferson animatronic up there? The dude owned more than 600 slaves during his entire life and probably had sex with almost all of them. One confirmed relationship with his slave Sally Hemings resulted in 6 children. That means that 3.8% of all African-Americans are a direct descendent of Thomas Jefferson!
But yes, he gets a spot on the deus, right next to Zachary Taylor, who during the Compromise of 1850 delayed the Civil War so he could own and profit from his slaves for a few more years.
I guess the bigger question why are we even celebrating the presidents at a theme park? What purpose does this holdover ride from 1971 still even serve? Is this Disney’s half-assed way to show it’s “patriotism?”
Not only that, but it’s not even a good showcase of the special effects that Disney is known for. They keep updating the thing without any CG (a mistake business/brand-partner George Lucas maybe also should have made) in an attempt to stay true to the original technology that went into the original Hall of Presidents attraction. But it’s more Nosferatu than nostalgia—have you see the Obama, Trump, or Biden statues? They are a horror show.
So yes, I understand that Uncle Remus, a fictional racist caricature, has got to go, but then actual racist historical characters also need to go.