A quick lesson learned is a lesson quickly forgot, and such is the case for one Ebenezer Scrooge, who is back to his old habits of cruelty, selfishness, and greed.
The people of London believed that miracles truly could happen when they saw the perceived change in personality of Mr. Scrooge; alas, only one day later, Scrooge is back to being the biggest dickhead in the city.
“It was nice to slum it up with the common folk yesterday, but after a cold, sobering bath I realized that “cool uncle/benefactor vibe” just isn’t for me.”
Apparently, glimpses into his foolish, troubled youthhood and the prospect of knowing that he would die eventually were not enough for our heel to turn hero.
“I’ll admit I went a big softy yesterday,” spoke the solitary Scrooge from his pretty sweet and still intact bedchamber. “The vision of losing some of my clothes and my canopy to some thieving vagabonds almost broke me.”
“It was nice to slum it up with the common folk yesterday, but after a cold, sobering bath I realized that “cool uncle/benefactor vibe” just isn’t for me.”
He’ll admit one particular vision from his nighttime reverie was particularly moving, but has decided that if God wants a sick child to die, then who is he to question “the big Guy upstairs?”
Tiny Tim Cratchit, Scrooge’s “newly adopted son,” confirmed the sudden, harsh transformation even earlier than originally reported.
“That very morning he was super passive-aggressive with us. He came in with presents and good cheer, but then took one good look at our home and started to criticize how modest and dingy it all was. It’s like, “thanks a lot for coming, asshole.”
But surely his interactions with the goodly lower class of London wasn’t feigned. There seemed to be real growth and conversion in the old man as he enjoyed the holiday.
“Yeah, no” said one street urchin. “On Christmas morning he was weird. He was all like “Go buy me a goose” and then later in the afternoon he was asked “Did you get a receipt?’ He even asked me if there was change.”
Well then how about his supper with Fred and his wife? I would hope that he and his estranged nephew were able to make amends. I mean, this is his deceased sister’s only son.
“I couldn’t believe he came to dinner with a big smile on his face, but it got ugly quick,” said Fred.
He noticed a quick turn of events right around dessert time.
“It only took a few hours before he was complaining about everything—the cold food, the dim lighting. I even came in on him in the kitchen grabbing my wife’s ass and trying to kiss her.”
He winced as he iced his hand. “I actually had to deck the old fucker.”
Well, it seems things are back the way that they should be. Scrooge is up early today and ready to take it out on someone’s ass.
“I lost about 150 quid yesterday with all my antics. I figure I can get that back in about 10 minutes when I raise the rents for the new year.”
If Scrooge has learned anything from yesterday’s joyous tromp around the city, it’s what makes the poor tick. In the past, he was so detached and never really understood them. So now armed with this new insight and sporting a new shiner, Scrooge might be even worse.