Philip K. Dick, a Witches Orgy, and Mechanical Hounds Up For Adoption
And J.K. Rowling Tries to Make Herself Relevant Again
Good morning, readers.
By now you know that J.K. Rowling tweeted “You allowed a male to get in the ring with her” a few days ago, re-waging whatever stake she has in the culture wars.
I’m not sure what she gains here, both by bashing the Olympics (which have since cleared the air on behalf of the gender of Imane Khelif) and inserting herself into the narrative.
Not only does she look completely stupid misgendering Khelif but she doubled-down on her anti-trans belief that self-declared gender identity is not sufficient for a person’s legal gender status.
Whenever Rowling does something like this with the use of social media, I wonder if her agent and publishing company have ever thought of banning her from using X/Twitter to protect whatever shred of marketability and credibility her legacy might have.
When this all started with Rowling a few years ago, I made the joke that Rowling had been placed on “career suicide watch” and that deleting Twitter “would save her career.”
But alas, it seems like she has already committed career suicide and her involvement as a producer on the upcoming Harry Potter HBO series will only further taint the reputation of what could be a very popular show.
I will continue to post this image on Instagram everytime she makes a boneheaded comment about gender politics, but as of today, I am declaring Rowling’s career as officially dead.
Let’s get back to the news, shall we?
Today’s top story is about how one animal rescue has been inundated with surrendered mechanical hounds. All five of the older-model machines are up for adoption.
Also, a photo of Philip K. Dick confirms he has never been laid and Young Goodman Brown critiques the lack of courtesy at the latest witches orgy.
You have been warned but proceed if you dare.
This isn't the type of pussy I imagined a guy named Philip K. Dick getting.
Photos of science fiction author Philip K. Dick probably reveal that he's definitely never been laid.
Not always the picture of perfect mental health, Dick was well known for his love of cats and spent a great deal of his time explaining how his entire philosophy of the world was influenced by a "big blue cat" that ran away (Editor's Note: this is totally true and 100% catshit crazy).
Ok, so a lot of people are obsessed with cats and take photos with them, you might say. However, a simple Google search will uncover dozens of photos of Dick with cats, and not like cool Hemingway style, with cats as decoration on the veranda. These are cuddly, posed photos with Dick showing off his cats.
Plus that interior design is hideous, so he's definitely not getting any action back at the pad...or is he?
Ruined the whole night for him.
Aside from seeing his wife and respected elders of the community participating in a witches circle, the thing that really pissed Young Goodman Brown off most was the lack of snacks and finger foods at what he was hoping was a good ol' fashioned orgy.
Sure, after he left, his wife might have gotten passed around among Deacon Gookin and some Indian priests, but what really pisses him off is the lack of civility and hospitality.
Would it kill these Satanists to put out a couple sandwiches and salads?
He was on the fence about possibly having to boink Goody Cloyse to consummate his new pledge to the devil, but now he deeeeeefinitely isn't joining.
At least the church offers some bread and wine.
He's ready to meet his forever people!
Urgent! Last night, at least 5 older model mechanical hounds were dropped off at our shelter, left tied to the front door.
We are in need of some loving families who can step up and give these babies their forever home.
Sure the hounds were previously used by firemen to track down homes with books, and yes, some of their snouts are still equipped with a four-inch hollow steel needle, and yes, the entire mechanical hound program is under scrutiny after it was revealed that a hound had wrongly killed a man thought to be Guy Montag, but that doesn't mean these little lovelies don't want to cuddle up with you and your family.
Just don't read your children any bedtime stories at night….that is certainly a trigger, let’s say.
But isn't he adorable?