Op Ed: This Librarian Does Not Play When It Comes to Pronouncing "Lib-rary"

Say It Right Or Suffer Her Wrath

Readers, while watching the Olympics yesterday, I did my hammy and sprained my wrist when I fell off of the couch searching for the remote.

The Firestick remote is so small, it’s criminal.

In lieu of a regular article, I asked Celia Adler, the head librarian from The Portsmouth Free Public Library in Rhode Island, to write an op-ed article about anything she pleased.

This is what was sent back to us.

“For the last 25 years, I've heard both patrons and co-workers call the library the "lie-berry" and it's high time to start saying it right. LAI-BREH-REE. It's three syllables, assholes.

And you heard me. A straight slap across the face. I don't care anymore. I'm retiring next year and have nothing to lose. I have grandkids and don't need this job. 

Now a kid under 4 years old might say "lie-berry" because they are still learning how to talk. If I correct them and they say it wrong a second time, I might just give them a small cuff on the top of their head. These are warning shots and something tells me they'll start saying it right.

But more and more, adults have the tendency to leave out the "R" sound after the "B" even though they know good god damn well how to say it. For the record, the "R" is not silent. It's not like the staff members say "lie-berrians." Oh, when referencing yourself, all of a sudden you know how to say it, right, eh?

These are the same assholes who take "pitchers" on their "camra" or who "axe" you a "pacific" question. They surf the "inna-net." They celebrate "birf-days." Their eyes "dye-a-late" and then they'll go vote for a "canni-date." 

In the month of February, no one goes around saying "FEB-BERRY." And if they did, we would definitely smack a bitch or at least ridicule the person enough to embarrass them, making them feel like a dumb dickhead.

Now if we as a society wanted to move the British pronunciation, "LIE-br'r-y," where you remove the vowel sound from the end and make it more like "brrrr, I'm cold" then I will consider that. You might only receive a quick throttling or a light slam near the New Releases.

So from now on when I'm working at the reference desk, I'm just going to start smacking motherfuckers when they say it wrong. You've been warned.”

Celia Adler, The Portsmouth Free Public Library