Oh, You Like Reading? Name Every Symbol You've Ever Decoded to Construct Meaning
Answer Him Before He Kicks Your Ass
Answer him before he kicks your ass!
A bully on the mean streets of Greenwich, CT is about to give you a good old fashioned beatdown for admitting during class that you enjoy reading. The comment came from you after you received an A on your test on 'Because of Winn Dixie.'
The "bully," one Seymour Thoroughgood Wainwright, did not do as well as you, and now is out for blood.
This is the third reading test in a row that Wainwright flunked; he previously did not pass the tests for The One and Only Ivan, Esperanza Rising, and Charlotte's Web.
"Go on," he prodded. "You're such a good reader, right? Tell me more about phonemic awareness and vocabulary acquisition!"
"Go on," he prodded. "You're such a good reader, right? Tell me more about phonemic awareness and vocabulary acquisition!"
You start to tell him that you're not quite sure how you do it, you're a natural, you guess, but you stop thinking it best just to keep quiet. You try to wet your pants to scare him off, but you just end up farting.
"Jesus Christ," he says as he lightens up his grip. "You mean to tell me that you have no tips on improving my fluency and comprehension?"
You whimper and shake your head no.
But he doesn't relent. Now he's grabbed you by the scruff of your neck and pushes you all the way to the bathroom. He kicks open a stall and forces your head near the bowl.
"Start talking about your ability to identify, manipulate, and distinguish individual phonemes."
You gag at the sight of an unflushed turd hovering between the waterline.
"Then after a good old fashioned swirlie, you can give me your thoughts on Scarborough's Reading Rope and the relationship between recognition and language comprehension."
You have no idea what the fuck Seymour is talking about...all you know is that your really into the Hardy Boys and your parents constantly brought you to the library when you were in kindergarten.
"It all started with my love of 'Make Way for the Ducklings,'" you admit. "From there, I found 'The Story of Ferdinand..."
He stops.
"Ferdinand?" he asks, starting to put you down on your feet. "Is that the one with the bull on it?"
"Yeah, the bull, Ferdinand. He would rather smell flowers than fight in bullfights."
A tear comes to Seymour's eye.
"I've always wanted to read that one," he admits. "My parents just have me doing so many sports and activities...there was never any time to read."
"They never read you a story before bed?"
He reddens from embarrassment. "No, I normally just go on my phone..."
You straighten out your t-shirt and kick-flush the toilet. The turd goes swirling down and the aggression in Seymour goes with it.
You nervously break the silence. "You can borrow my copy of 'Ferdinand' if you'd like..."
"I think I'd like that," he says. "My literacy teacher tells me I need to work on my decoding and encoding skills and nurture and develop my self-concept as a reader, so yeah..."
"Whatever the fuck that means," you say. "Here, try this--"
You stuff a copy of 'Dog Man' into his chest.