Man Skimmed One Book and is Now an Expert
Plus, Jane Austen and the Students Who Correctly Judged a Book by Its Cover
Hello, readers.
I’m sure you know that Taylor Swift hosts these ridiculous A-list parties at her Rhode Island mansion home. The singer bought the 11,000 square foot estate in 2013 and the rumor mill says she paid in cash.
Just how much did she spend? 17.75 million dollars.
For a house. In Rhode Island.
My first thought is that Swift overpaid for the house (which to me is nothing spectacular in the scope of mansions in Rhode Island). My second thought is that Swift DEFINITELY overpaid for this house.
I’ll be the first to admit that making fun of Taylor Swift is extremely passé, but this was 2013, way after the housing bubble and way before the post-Covid real-estate boom.
She probably should have gotten real estate advice from Gene Hackman, who spent less than 5 million on an entire island in British Columbia. Or fellow singer Faith Hill, who spent less than 2 million on a 17-acre piece of land in the Bahamas. It is rumored that they land is now worth more than 120 million. Their neighbors, Jay-Z and Beyonce, only spent 4 million on their island and right down the road, Tyler Perry paid 7 million for his island.
Which leads me to my third thought…what the fuck was Taylor thinking?
I guess I could question much more than her taste in real estate (how about her tastes in men, private jets, and hot pants) but this one seems like the biggest swing and miss.
However, I do believe Taylor has this weird attention-addiction thing going, and maybe placing herself smack in the middle of Watch Hill, where hundreds of thousands of tourists come each year with their Dunkin’ Donuts to stare at the filthy rich’s summer homes, helps get her off in some sick way. Privacy just doesn’t seem to be her thing.
That’s cool for her. But if we ever get rich, we’ll probably pull a Gene Hackman and disappear up in God’s country with all its dairy farms, moody beaches, miles of vast, uninhabited woodlands. You know the road not taken looks real good now.
Anyways…
Our top story involves a man who skimmed one book and is now an expert. You’ve been warned to steer clear.
We also investigate the heater Jane Austen was on between 1811-1817 and validate one group of students’ attempt to judge a book by its cover.
Burn her!
Male readers in 1817 were left scratching their heads when they found out that the person behind all those great novels that they recently read was indeed a woman!
Within six years, Austen was somehow able to overcome her "womanly emotions" and publish some of the most important works of literature of all time.
One critic at The Edinburgh Review gave his opinion of the matter, saying the author must have experience in "the dark arts" and that he "must have succumbed to her witchy charms" after enjoying all six books.
"I must have been under one of her spells, because as I was reading I was swept up by the romance, humor, and critique of the inequality faced by women in Regency-era England, of which I support and am party to."
You can't always form an opinion about something based purely on what is seen on the surface, but when it comes to Edith Wharton's 'Ethan Frome', students are realizing their initial impressions of the book were correct.
"When the book was scanned out to me, I knew that this would be the worst experience of my life," said the usually carefree and cheerful Kaitlyn Ponderson.
"The book cover represents how I felt inside even just handling it and knowing that I would have to read some of it...cold, barren, dead," claimed avid reader and teacher pet, Nathan Pulezowski.
"I bet this book is full of white people problems circa 1910: damaged snowshoes, fussy horses, and sexless frustrations," reported the always spot-on Naomi Lowry.
Got ‘em.
A man browsing through a stack of books at his local library is now a specialist in the field of a random book he picked up and skimmed through briefly.
While the man also claims he has done some research on the subject years ago, he can now use the few dates and names that he might remember to already cement his pre-formed opinion on the topic.
Now, the man can't wait to go out in public or go online to share the information that he's cribbed and pass himself off as an unofficial authority. If the situation to share never arises, he will dominate the conversation until he can steer it and reveal this expert knowledge.
He knows things.