A clueless man looking to get literary ink did not realize that his artist just used Comic Sans for his David Foster Wallace “This is water” tattoo.
No, the man is not some sort of high-level hipster embracing the irony of Comic Sans lettering…he is just some dumbshit who is too young to have used Microsoft Word in the nineties!
As mostly everyone knows (except this guy), Comic Sans is by far one of the worst fonts, used only for Middle School prom flyers or shitty, homemade comic books.
For whatever reason, it is hilarious to mock the font used inappropriately— like on death certificates or declarations of war. There is no explanation for this phenomena…it just is.
Also, there was a rumor at one point that Comic Sans was a good font for readers suffering from reading dyslexia, but now dyslexia specialists recommend any sans-serif typeface.
So now we can make fun of Comic Sans again without offending dyslexia sufferers! Yay, freedoms!
In 1994, Vincent Connare invented the font with only his mouse and cursor after deciding that Times New Roman was an inappropriate font to introduce young users to Microsoft’s growing line of computer programs. Of course, the most memorable use of Comic Sans was as the default font for an early version of Internet Explorer.
Now, the font is basically a punchline, becoming a meme or object of ridicule when misused as lettering for serious circumstances, like warning signs or formal documents.
For whatever reason, it is hilarious to mock the font used inappropriately— like on death certificates or declarations of war. There is no explanation for this phenomena…it just is.
Anyways, this guy who just discovered David Foster Wallace’s 2005 graduation speech to the graduating class at Kenyon College thinks he’s a true original and wanted to get the inspiring “This is water” quote tattooed on his arm so everyone knows he’s a little pretentious piece of shit.
Of course, the “This is water” tattoo stands for being aware of the self and a reminder not to take things for granted, or whatever. The quote comes from the opening anecdote of Wallace’s speech about an old fish asking some younger fish about the quality of the water they are swimming in. One of the young fish asks, “What the hell is water?”
The point of all that according to Wallace is to point out that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are the hardest to see and talk about.
Put your eyeroll here.
Now of course, this little dumbshit came across this quote while looking for help on the internet as he tried to find a plot summary or answers about what the hell Infinite Jest is about anyway. He and his friends were “trying to get through it” for the third time and thought they would be able to look it up on Sparknotes.
When the man discovered Wallace’s “This is Water” speech, he opted to just read that for 5 minutes instead of continue Wallace’s 1,000 page plus book.
Yes, now he could say that he’d “read Wallace,” but that line “This is water” really spoke to him. He’s been looking to showcase that his consciousness is open, expanded, and that he is well-aware of the world at play around him.
“I’ve always educated myself, so this tattoo is perfect. I’m always researching things I’m interested in on the internet, just so I don’t become one of the sheep,” he said as he sipped his Moscow Mule.
He took out a piece of paper with the quote “This is water” written in a bunch of fancy, handwritten font-styles.
“By achieving an awareness of my surroundings based on knowledge that I’ve gathered to increase my perception, there is virtually nothing that I can’t achieve.”
He would have continued talking about this, but he excused himself to call his dad after he saw that he overdrafted his bank account again.
Luckily, this little bookworm wannabe was later taken down a peg when the tattoo artist, tired from doing David Foster Wallace tattoos on the skinny little arms of lit bros all day, just did the bare minimum and ignored his fancy font requests, printing out the tattoo stencil with the ridiculous typeface from Windows 95.
Before the guy could protest, the grim tattoo artist blasted his arm with that terrible lettering and was already out back listening to The Misfits and smoking his fifth unfiltered Camel cigarette of the morning. A little lightheaded, the guy checked out his ink in the mirror while the shop manager asked him for the $500 he now owed.
“Yeah, it’s so cool. I love it. How does it look?” he asked to no one in particular. The shop manager not interested in his little chitchat.
“I wish we had used one of my fonts, maybe done it in Chinese lettering or something, but this is my ‘This is water’ tattoo,” he beamed proudly.
Still, he tried to explain his choice to the shop manager while she downed her Red Bull and waited to run his card.
“Our awareness must extend all around us so we don’t miss the reality right in front of our faces. We need to function intuitively and effectively.”
When he finally rolled down his sleeve—god, he was sore—he made his way over to the register.
Before she could finish the transaction, the shop manager busted out laughing, “Wait, is that Comic Sans?”