Male Book Club Members, a Venue Wristband-Sporting English Teacher, and a Semicolon Decides What It Wants to Be When It Grows Up
A Fake News Roundup For You and Yours
Hello, folks. Remember the words of the outdoorsman author Nessmuk when you visit this page: “When the strait jacket of civilization becomes too oppressive, I throw it off, betake myself to savagery, and there loaf and refresh my soul.”
Please feel free to loaf about here, and thus, refresh your soul.
Anyways, our top story involves a very important decision for a young semicolon.
But before we get to that, let’s check in with some male book club members who are reading Madame Bovary and an English teacher caught wearing a venue wristband from the night before.
This is savagery, indeed.
But don't dare say it.
The male members in a book club reading 'Madame Bovary' can't help but secreetly and silently agree that Emma Bovary is kind of whorish and total "you know what" for the way she treats Charles Bovary.
Of course, saying it out loud would mean total annihilation at the hands of the female members, so they just politely nod and smile when they say Emma is "repressed" and "looking for passion" in a relationship.
"Yeah, totally," one says. "I even think Charles had this coming to him," he winces.
The rest of the male members cast their eyes down and nod in agreement.
June, amiright?
An English teacher who spent the night out screaming the lyrics of her favorite band's songs with all of her normal, non-teacher friends is now living the morning of her own personal hell.
To make matters worse, the teacher not only had two adult beverages, but also didn't get home to bed until 10:30, way surpassing her normal bedtime of 8:45.
"I even left early and didn't get to see the encore," she laments. "My friends texted me at midnight like 'where are you? they're playing your favorite song.'"
Since her school has a "no movie policy" the last few weeks of school, she's just going to have to punish them with a pop quiz on grammar or the short story they read a couple of weeks ago.
Oh yeah, and she forgot her coffee.
Why can't I just be "normal?"'
When the semicolon was younger, she wanted to be a colon. Then she realized that things might be a little easier if she just stayed a comma. Of course, her parents said they would be supportive of any decision she made.
At some point, though, the little semicolon decided that she would be end punctuation like a period, and that's when her parents started shunning her.
"We raised her better than that. We are very disappointed and looking to delete her as we speak. Maybe we can adopt something a little more obedient, like an asterisk or hyphen or something."