LOTR Fan vs. Star Wars Fan
Plus, Ana Huang and Self-Help Hydro Flasks
Hello, readers.
Yesterday was Spotified Unwrapped Day. Yes, that’s right. The day when the most annoying people you know shove it in your face that they listen to the worst music ever recorded.
These people are excited that the music that they listen to a lot is the music they listen to everyday.
Why do people do this? On one hand it’s a fun way to reflect their musical tastes over the past year and showcase their “identity.” By participating in the broader cultural phenomenon of sharing they gain social currency.
This is the curated version of themselves and you have to deal with their ego boost in their story for the next 24 hours.
And if you don’t have Spotify (like me—I’m an Amazon Music Unlimited man myself) you are left in the dust, uncool for a few days because you can’t boast that your top artist is Chappell Roan or Teddy Swims—literally the same music that everyone else is listening to! These normies are also proud to eat whitebread and swim in the mainstream and want you to know about it.
How about the people whose top artist was Taylor Swift? No duh! You nonstop played that while you pregamed to go to the Eras Tour movie. But boasting that you played music a lot doesn’t mean that you actually listened to Taylor. Could these people tell me the deeper meaning of the cringey lyrics from The Tortured Poets Department? What does “you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me” even mean? Not sure, but it certainly is edgy.
But the worst type of person who does this though has to be the person who posts their Wrapped with artists and songs you’ve never even heard of. These hipsters have tried way too hard all year to be cool and different, and now their wildly indie and unique tastes have come home to roost. They’re judging you in their heads once they hit share assuming you have no idea who Waxahatchee is nor have you ever heard the Bon Iver song “S P E Y S I D E.”
Can’t be mad at these people. Spotify Wrapped acts as a snapshot of personal taste, allowing people to project a specific image of themselves through the artists they listen to. It’s a trendy way to contribute and participate in the current thing, and you can’t fault people for that, I guess.
It’s also a tool of marketing genius. Well-played, Spotify. You turned listening to music into a weird flex thing.
Anyways…
Our top story is a fashion face-off for the ages: who wore the mustard stain better, the LOTR fan or the Star Wars fan?
Plus, Ana Huang helps sexy, AI white guys finally be seen and an English teacher uses those little stickers on her hydro flask to help keep it together.
Good luck, babe. (Well, good luck).
Promoting inclusivity and understanding...
Booktok phenom Ana Huang's path to publishing has been unconventional--the 33 year old Chinese author's 'Twisted' series is considered one of the best-selling romance books of all time.
With her newfound fame however, Huang wanted to use her platform to finally shine a light and represent a cross-section rarely depicted positively in mainstream publishing: the sexy, AI-generated white guy.
With her 'Twisted' book covers, Huang has been able to promote inclusivity for AI-generated white dudes who have been fighting negative stereotypes since their portrayal on romance books since the late 80s.
"On the covers of old romance books, white guys were often seen as long-haired and shirtless, a false ideal that often marginalized the average artificially generated male character," said Huang.
"My books seek to provide validation and allow their perspective to be heard. Hopefully male, AI-generated models can now finally be seen as not just hot sex-objects, but in more positive roles across romance media and smut in general."
Aw thank you, little sticker that I bought for myself!
An English teacher at Coventry Mission High School in Coventry, OH is feeling a little down and out, what with the impossible task laid out ahead of her: getting her 10th graders prepared for a state test even though only about 15% of them are reading at grade level!
Let's also not forget that the teacher is also battling student apathy, poor writing skills, a weak administration, and books on the curriculum being challenged by parents. And did we mention a Superintendent who probably sides with these Moms for Liberty?
At least she has these cute little kiss-cut, removable vinyl stickers on her Hydro Flask to support her! At least somebody cares about her (herself)!
It would be nice if someone, oh I don't know, a coworker or principal told her she was doing a good job, instead of these little pastel VSCO stickers.
Well if not, then at least she has a little rainbow sticker telling her to "Never Give Up" or a cat telling her that she's "Doing Great." Aaaah. The hand-drawn quality to the stickers has a homey feel, like someone cared enough to make it just for her.
Even though her classroom doesn't have windows, at least she can admire the little sunflower sticker reminding her to "Be Happy."
Despite the fact that her students played a cruel, practical joke on her earlier today which left her feeling humiliated, she can look at the little rainbow that says "Kindness Matters."
Regardless of the fact that she stays late and hasn't seen the sun all winter, the cheery little sun sticker reminds her that she is someone's "sunshine."
And hopefully, she will take the advice of the sticker that tells her "To Be the Girl Who Goes For It" even though she was recently observed and scored low marks by a principal who hasn't been in a classroom for 20 years.
Well, at least "All Who Wander are Not Lost," but right now, she's not so sure of that.
Toss Up!
Attendees at Comic Con this year were less impressed by the voluptuous Spider-Woman/Madame Web cosplayers and more obsessed with another fashion faceoff between two other curvacious and full-figured fans, battling it out for top costume.
The biggest CONtest of the day was about who wore a mustard stain better—the Lord of the Rings fan or the Star Wars fan.
Those who side with the LOTR guy maintain that the smeared streak on his white t-shirt from a pretzel an hour or so ago should take the top award. However, once the Star Wars guy was spotted with a giant glob on his black shirt from his hotdog, the real competition could begin.
“How can we focus on the Sydney Sweeney lookalikes when we have these two heavyweights, adding to the lore of their respective fandoms?” said one distracted booth vendor.
Organizers say that the annual costume competition component of the con was the worst-attended event of the entire weekend, yet the impromptu showdown between these two condiment-cladded lads was the highlight of the weekend.
Hundreds of LOTR and Star Wars supporters gathered in the food court area to show support for their favorite improvisatory entrant. Tensions were high yet the atmosphere maintained its cool; luckily, the Coke Zero kept emotions tempered and their blood-sugar leveled.
In the end, the LOTR mustard stain won because upon further inspection (and if you looked closely), you could see a faint visage of Grima Wormtongue.
“You can’t plan for this,” said one Con promoter. “But it is no bad thing to celebrate a simple stain.”