Hot Mic Catches Virginia Woolf Criticizing Some "Queasy Undergraduate"
And We Think We Know Who She Means
They might be allies in psychological realism, but there is no love lost between Virginia Woolf and James Joyce.
The modernist author is no stranger to letting her opinions about contemporary authors be known, and this time a hot mic caught her complaining to T. S. Eliot about some "queasy undergraduate" whose book she had just finished.
The hot mic also described the book as "illiterate and underbred," even comparing the author's act of writing to "scratching his pimples."
Ok, that has to be James Joyce, right?
Her literary agent won't confirm but sources close to the situation say she was recently reading Ulysses, a book that had originally inspired her but after months of plodding along, ultimately considered "dull" and "a failure."
The hot mic also described the book as "illiterate and underbred," even comparing the author's act of writing to "scratching his pimples."
To add insult to injury, Woolf's harsh assessment of the author was punctuated when marked the book DNF, and quit after only 200 pages.
Immediately the press was interested to know just who Woolf was criticizing, but she has not offered no word and no apology.
One journalist asked if the author was "Dublin born."
One asked if he goes by the nicknames "Herr Satan" or "Sunny Jim."
Another asked if the author suffers from glaucoma, and is now forced to wear an "icky eye patch."
Finally, one came right out and asked if the author's name rhymes with "Rames Royce."
Still, Woolf did not respond.
However, she does vow to write her own novel in response to the experience she had with the book in question, calling it The Hours, based on her short story "Mrs. Dalloway in Bond Street."
The book will all be written in "stream of consciousness," have dueling story structures, only a few main characters, and a narrative that winds through real time with aspects of flashback.
So just like Ulysses then, right Mrs. Woolf?
She finally gives a slight smile and says, "Yes, but mine will be less difficult and way more enjoyable. You'll want to finish my book."
Woolf 1, Joyce 0.