Hemingway's Babysitter Fail
Plus, Librarian Seen in the Wild and a Writer Who Didn't Use the Internet
Hello, readers.
This past weekend I went to a new restaurant in town. In fact, it used to be a favorite Italian restaurant for the locals, and now it has a new name and owner.
Right from the beginning, you could tell that this place was trying to be more focused on the “experience” of dining than actual food service, and that is an immediate turn off for a fat piece of shit like me.
“Dining” is the activity of eating a meal. I don’t need to “experience” that, I just need to do it.
Eat the food (a product given by the chef), share a few laughs with friends and family (totally customer generated entertainment), pay the bill (the only other time I should see the waitress aside from taking my food order) and then get the hell out.
I don’t need to be gaslit by the college dropout waitress that long wait times are a boutique aspect of the “experience.” Nor is treating a domestic red like some sort of rare bottle that must be enjoyed in small pours. Fill up my goddam wine glass to the rim, especially when pouring the cheap stuff, thank you.
Also, when did an essential aspect of the dining experience entail five different staff members serving me my food. There’s the kid who fills the waters, the other kid who brings the bread, the lady who took my food order, the guy who brings it out from the back, and then another guy who comes to check up on us. I don’t need to be taken care of by a basketball team; one decent waitstaff person could have fulfilled all of these tasks.
Yes, what an experience. I just ate the same pasta that I buy and prepare at the store but this time I got to do it at a 1,000% mark-up. Nope, no one else could have boiled the pasta for 8 minutes then dumped some red sauce on it like these people can. Take my money.
Anyways…
Our top story is about Hemingway’s failed babysitting service. Apparently, guns, booze, boats, and babies do not mix.
Also, we spot a librarian in the wild (strange) and a writer produces an entire paragraph without having to go on the internet (even more strange).
Please enjoy the “experience” of these articles.
She actually leaves?
People in town were surprised to see the Children's librarian actually out in the real world away from the programming room or from behind the circulation desk.
What appears in the library as cute and eccentric inside the confines of the library, is bizarre and garish out in normal society.
According to some witnesses, children were coming up to her and asking her why she wasn't "at the library where she belongs."
"I saw her in the grocery store and I didn't know what to do," said one frequent patron. "It was weird to see her buying groceries and toiletries for her home which I figured didn't even exist."
What blew even more minds was that she was accompanied by a handsome male person whom she introduced as her "husband."
"I just figured she wasn't really into all of that," said one parent.
Unbelievable feats of strength.
A writer working on something on his laptop has done the impossible: he has just written an entire paragraph without referencing, referring, or even looking at any websites.
The writer is being hailed by some as a "true author," and will probably be receiving his official invitation into the profession in the next few days.
"I couldn't believe it," said the man. "The words were flowing and I just kept on typing. Turns out, I have some pretty original ideas when I'm not being constantly distracted."
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Biographers of the Hemingway’s life routinely skip over an embarrassing low point in his storied career: the time that the author started a babysitting service.
Upon his return from Spain just after finishing 'Death in the Afternoon,' Hemingway was looking for his next project. Disenchanted with the life of an author, Hemingway wanted to go into business for himself and thought he should try his hand in daycare.
"After three or four days of just driving the kids around drunk in his boat, shooting automatic weapons into the ocean, the parents thought that it might be best that they find a more traditional form of childcare."
Hemingway was crushed by the failed experience but went on to write both 'To Have and Have Not' and 'For Whom the Bell Tolls.' Luckily, he did not have to account for all the children he left at sea.