Fight Club, Flannel Shirts, and Robert Louis Stevenson's Scientific Secret

Fake Literary News For You and Your Top 5

Hello, readers. Remember when cell phone calls were free after 9pm? That was wild.

Anyways, our top story is about the closeted scientific life of Robert Louis Stevenson.

Also, men who love Fight Club reveal a dark secret, while writers moving to the Pacific Northwest receive a perk they weren’t suspecting.

Keep reading if you love words.

But I thought rule 8 was that you had to fight...

The Monmouth University Polling Institute has discovered some staggering numbers involving suburban white men who claim they are obsessed with 'Fight Club.'

87% of men obsessed with 'Fight Club' have never been in a fight, while 65% of that same group have never even read the novel.

This discovery is perhaps unsurprising. However, almost 99% of the men polled did not know that the book and movie were originally created to be pitch black comedies satirizing consumer culture and gender politics. 

They just assumed the author was a super-frustrated, angry white man like themselves!

Just wait till they find out Chuck Palahniuk is gay...

Writers are immediately asked to change upon entering state border...

An author who moved from the South to the Pacific Northwest was promptly given his long-sleeve flannel and multi-pocket cargo shorts upon entering the region. 

Similar in manner to receiving a check once you become an Alaskan resident, the PNW runs its own "permanent fund" which allotts a new flannel shirt and pair of cargo shorts to every author in residence each year.

Since the region is the largest exporter of flannel and cargo, the states are able to attract authors to move to Oregon, Washington, and parts of Idaho with the free clothes that they would normally purchase at an outrageous mark-up at some overpriced outdoor apparel store.

Authors are required to never wash their clothing and wear the pair together at least twice each week regardless of the weather. Any author who refuses to comply is immediately exiled to Nevada.

Thought so.

Robert Louis Stevenson's 'The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde' explores many anxieties and apprehensions of Victorian Society; among them, evolution, psychology, and inevitably sexuality and homosexuality. 

A new reading of the novella has left many wondering about the author's own repressed desires, as well.

 "It's obvious and there are so many hints," says reader Frances McLellan. "Stevenson looooves science. C'mon, look at all those beakers and petri dishes. There is a secret scientist inside of the author just dying to get out."