Disney's Walden Experience, an Unmarried Female Author, and a Literary Bromance
A Roundup of Fake Literary News You Should Care About
Thanks for spending your day with us, dear reader. Bless your heart!
The awkward, weird-for-everyone-else literary bromance between J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis is today’s top story.
We are also saddened to hear that Disney is closing the “Walden Experience” ride and investigate a brewing conflict between a successful multicultural author and her disappointed parents. Let’s hop to it…
Walt Disney World's Orlando theme park recently announced a shut down on one of their attractions, "The Walden Experience," to little fanfare.
A ride closure usually results in public outcry, but guests weren't entirely upset to no longer have to wait in long lines just to chop wood, use a wheelbarrow, or stare at a pond pensively.
Some guests, however, are so caught up in the solitude of nature and the experience of self-reliance that they will stay on to work a few extra hours on garden detail.
Disney released a statement concerning the closure: "The anticapitalist principles of Walden and Henry David Thoreau's theories of individualism are not in line with the company's values."
Wal-d’oh!
A successful multicultural author living in the United States is referred to as "the unmarried one" by her parents back home, sources report.
Despite having published multiple novels and being recognizable in about every literary circle, her parents still believe that she could have done more with her life, say, become a doctor or at the very least marry one.
"Yes, she has many books," said her mother. "But what about children?"
Thanks, mom.
According to a new biography on the friendship of J. R. R. Tolkien and C. S. Lewis, the two authors would spend a majority of their time smoking, smirking, and staring into each other's eyes.
Many books have been published about the bromance between Tolkien and Lewis, educating fans of both writers on everything from their friendly rivalry to their private writer's workshops.
But no other biography has focused so much on the sexual chemistry between the two friends.
"It was extremely uncomfortable for others," said biographer Digby Wyndham. "No words would be exchanged, but one could only imagine the impolite conversation they had just by using their eyes."
Cue “Arwen and Aragorn’s Theme.”
It’s nice knowing you, reader. We’ll see you down the road apiece.