Christmas Card Standoff: Coworkers Will Only Give One If They Get One
Cue "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" Theme Song...
Two self-proclaimed "work besties" had themselves a good ol' fashioned "Christmas Card showdown" Friday morning when neither would give away her card unless she received one first. The theory being here that you wouldn't want to waste one on somebody if they aren't going to give you one.
This type of standoff is pretty common in most white collar workplaces, from magazine offices to school systems, where Christmas cards are at such a premium since quantities are limited and so expensive.
They're not about to give it out to some two-faced bitch who can't even give them a card after all they've done for them.
Damn you, Snapfish. 40 cards are not enough, and 60 is just way too many.
Such is the case here at Penguin Random Associates, where work in one part of the office has come to a complete standstill. Copy editor, Julia, and editorial assistant, Naya, spent a lot of time on their families' Christmas cards, and they're not about to give it out to some two-faced bitch who can't even give them a card after all they've done for them.
"Last week Julia made a huge mistake on a manuscript and I covered her ass," said Naya, confiding to another coworker she can't stand. "And now, no Christmas card? Whatever."
Meanwhile, Julia was in Billing shit-talking to Margaret, the office gossip.
"I mean, I invited Naya to my grandmother's birthday last year, and now that bitch can't even give me a card? I'm done with her."
But didn't you both bring a card intended for the other? You probably even already wrote her name on the envelope, so you can't reuse it.
"Oh no, fuck that," said Julia. "I will take it out and get a new envelope."
"Yeah, I'd rather throw it away than give it to someone who I thought was my friend," said Naya.
As the morning went on, both women did not receive cards from the other.
Coincidentally, both Julia and Naya dumped their intended cards for each other on Kevin, one of the copywriters they both hate.
Later at the office luncheon, things got even more uncomfortable when Kevin thanked each of them for giving him a card. "They were such nice cards," he said, not realizing the two were engaged in this unspoken cold war. "Thanks again for thinking of me. To tell you the truth, I didn't think either of you really liked me all that much."
"Glad someone thinks of you," said Julia, eyeing Naya. "It's nice to have people think of you around the holidays."
"Yeah, well, I brought a card for everyone who I consider a dear friend," replied Naya, icily.
Kevin wasn't sure what was happening, but he knew he no longer wanted to be a part of it. He awkwardly exited without either woman looking at him. "Well, thanks again, you two."
The tension between them was thick, and if even a speaker blaring John Lennon's "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" can't resolve their conflict, perhaps nothing can.
“Let’s stop all the fight (nooooooooow).”