Books on Coffee Table Know You Are Just Using Them

Plus, George R. R. Martin and the Modern Language Association

Hello, readers.

As expected, the beginning of 2025 has already brought us some terrible news. An actual domestic terrorist attack occurred, someone died in a planned/unplanned Cyber Truck explosion in Vegas, and the Trump Administration waged a “cold war” against Denmark.

I refuse to start the new year with commentary on any of these issues. I just don’t have it in me right now. At some point I will probably have to address Trump, and wouldn’t you know it, he is somehow involved in all three of those above stories I just mentioned.

But right now my focus is on the big news in the scientific community—something (or someone) got the moon wet.

The old girl is excited about something.

Is it the North American Oasis reunion (fingers crossed, I have tickets) or the release of Grand Theft Auto VI? Perhaps it’s the World Expo that will be held in Osaka or the UN Climate Change conference?

Or maybe the return of Yellowjackets, The Handmaid’s Tale, The White Lotus, or The Last of Us has her all hot and bothered. If TV isn’t her thing, then maybe the trailers for 28 Years Later, Superman, or the live-action How to Train Your Dragon? If she’s a reader, maybe Suzanne Collins’ Sunrise on the Reaping or Rebecca Yarros’ third Empyrean book, Onyx Storm.

Whatever it is, there seems to be a lot to look forward to in 2025. We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

If I have a New Year’s Resolution it will be to focus on the positive and not dwell in the negative.

If the moon can still get turned on, than so can I.

Anyways…

Our top story is about how the books on your coffee table know you are using them for clout. But hey, they’re fine with it.

Also, we find out what is taking George R. R. Martin so long on “Winds of Winter.” Let’s just say upgrading his PC has him a little distracted.

And finally, the crowd at the Modern Language Association keynote speech turned up and came correct. Needless to say, things got a little wild.

Enjoy.

Damn internet.

George R. R. Martin, who is famous for writing on an old-school DOS computer, has recently "gotten the internet" and discovered viral videos.

So Martin is just pretending to work…just like us!

This debunks a popular myth that Martin is suffering from crippling writer's block and unable to wrap up the long-awaited novel.

We tried to talk to him, but he pivoted the conversation away from his book. "I like the double-rainbow one, and I hope the people in Alabama find that pesky leprechaun," he said.

Now Martin just got to "Charlie Bit My Finger," and let's just say we don't expect 'The Winds of Winter' anytime soon.

Saturday Night's Alright for Citing!

The 2024 MLA Convention was back in person after four years on Zoom and let's just say that attendees—many of them professors, scholars, and grammar aficionados—packed the Capital One Arena for one thing and one thing only: the kickoff ceremony non compos mentis!

Participants at this year's conference could hardly contain themselves as organizers welcomed everyone back with an opening set by They Might Be Giants and then into a keynote speech by Executive Director Paula Krebs.

Several attendees started a mosh pit once they announced a special session on "Theory and Praxis: Digital Pedagogies in the Digital Classroom."

Things got a little out of hand once Krebs announced the Curated Sessions List; several attendees starting a mosh pit once they announced a special session on "Theory and Praxis: Digital Pedagogies in the Digital Classroom."

Things did take a more dangerous turn, however, when members of the audience attempted to light their complimentary drawstring swag bags on fire after it was announced that there were no more available sign-up spots for "Navigating the Changing Landscape of Scholarly Book Publishing in Literary and Cultural Studies."

Police were called in and the event was postponed indefinitely.

They’re just glad to be here.

A stack of books on your coffee table know you are just using them to impress your guests, and you know what? They are okay with it.

That's right. They know their role.

Be attractive, but not too stunning. Look smart, but not too nerdy. Be bold, but don't overdo it. Be large, but not too big.

These books on architecture, photography, or any other topic you have little to no interest in.

They know you have the best intentions to someday crack it open but understand that life gets busy and you have a lot on your plate right now.

It's okay that instead of reading it, you are watching another documentary on Netflix about game show scandals. This is your second one this week, but hey, who's counting?

Maybe one day it will seem lively enough to grab someone's attention, even if just to relieve a friend's boredom while you go in the bathroom to take a giant shit.

They know they are last in line on the entertainment food chain. Even an old magazine might come before them.

Oh, another scalding hot beverage placed on me? Yeah, that's fine. Even when you stack another pointless book about interior design on top of one? That's cool, too. The more the merrier.

The novels on the bookcase say they are pathetic and sad, but the coffee table books see themselves as relentlessly loyal.

They'll be here for you, one day, when you're feeling extremely lonely or if the power goes out during the day, and you literally have nothing else to do, they'll be here for you.