They've been called cliched, doomed to failure, and even a tad bit melodramatic. Yet, year after year, the tradition of New Year's resolutions endures.
Authors, of all people, have a special relationship with New Year's resolutions. Their craft thrives on introspection, growth, and a constant striving to improve. The importance of an author's resolutions goes beyond personal goals; they can unlock creative doors and propel their literary journey forward.
Yet while authors’ New Year’s resolutions brim with good intentions, their downfall is particularly inevitable. Perhaps the author has set an unrealistic goal, underestimated the obstacle, or are unable to replace old habits with new ones.
Whatever their past failures might have been, these fifteen authors are giving it their best shot this year, knowing that change takes time and effort. They will sharpen their craft, conquer personal hurdles, and build bridges to a wider readership.
Good luck, my dears, and remember, for auld lang syne!
Lewis Carroll
Dudes been coasting off Alice for a while and is hoping to knock off all that goofy nonsense.
Sinclair Lewis
He literally saw first-hand how disgusting the meatpacking industry can be and still orders a sausage, egg n’ cheese every morning. Gross.
Franz Kafka
He’s been holding it close to the vest for a while and will finally tell them (who’s them? not sure) the truth (what’s that? not sure) in clear prose for once.
Ernest Hemingway
Dude is just letting a cat gang-bang occur by his pool every night. Time to do the humane thing here, Poppa.
Emily Dickinson
Is she? Isn’t she? We are too tired to try and figure it out in her verse. Time to come out and own it.
H. P. Lovecraft
Okay, he was drunk when he first named it that. Give him a second to think of something just a little more clever.
Lord Byron
The syphilitic rashes and the moist, warty patches aren’t cute anymore. You could easily just take care of this with the right antibiotic.
James Joyce
Um, something about trying to be an artist or be independent, or something? Let’s just say for now “the journey was worth it” and come back to him at the end of the year for a better explanation.
William Faulkner
If he can stick to this promise, we might get a decent rewrite of the Benjy section from The Sound and the Fury.
Danielle Steel
Yeah, that’s not happening. Next!
Jorge Luis Borges
Imagine him writing just a straight, young adult romance? No labyrinths, no magic realism, no infinity…just teens and their emotions.
Jonathan Franzen
An arrogant fuckwad (who I’ve actually met and can confirm this) who likes to hear himself talk, write think-pieces, and create controversy to take away from the fact that his books are boring pieces of shit. This might be a hard resolution to tackle, honestly.
Neil Gaiman
Another dark fantasy with aspects of horror, science fiction, and comedic elements? Ok, nerd.
J. K. Rowling
Not happening, Potterheads.
William Shakespeare
Writing her sonnets and staging Twelfth Night in her castle so she didn’t have to travel… man, what did he even get in return? Oh, his plays are now forever synonymous with British culture? Well, damn, you’re allowed to break this one, my dude.