Author Writes Entire Novel Without Disturbing Cat on Lap
Plus, Hunter S. Thompson and a Shitty "Choice Texts" in Schools
Hello, readers.
I’ve been thinking about all of the people asking on social media and Reddit lately if “listening to audiobooks” should actually be considered “reading.”
Of course, you jackasses.
Aside from an audiobook giving the listener the same type of cognitive engagement that a printed book would, the audiobook is also conveying the same exact material as the printed one.
Neil Gaiman famously said that we wouldn’t describe a blind person using braille as “touching.” It is “reading,” no matter what method you use.
Are they different experiences? Yes. But are they the same? Yes.
Only a moron would disagree.
Anyways, our top story today involves a writer who was actually able to write an entire novel without disturbing the cat on her lap.
Yes, the cat is receiving co-author credit.
Also, a student complains that her teacher’s choice texts “all blow” and Hunter S. Thompson shares a unique way he dealt with publisher rejection.
Spoiler: Thompson would not hang them in his office to inspire himself.
Take that, publishers!
Whether it's the first time or the 1,000th time, getting a written piece rejected hurts. You can take comfort knowing that all the best writers have been rejected at one point in their career, and knowing how they dealt with rejection can be very helpful.
If anyone knows about rejection, it would be "gonzo journalist madman" Hunter S. Thompson. His style was not for every publication or every reader, for that matter. He himself had actually been rejected by a dozen publications who actually went on to hire him.
But how did he deal with rejection early in his career? Easy! He would roll the letter into his joints or crush up the paper into his daily cocaine allotment. It might not make you feel better (you might just actually feel worse) but you'll definitely feel weird after and won't have to look at the hundreds of rejection letters piling up at your desk.
If all else fails, quit your bellyaching, have a bottle of Chivas, and get back to the typewriter, you swine!
Pete the Cat sucks.
A student in Miss Pearson's 2nd grade reading class voiced her criticism of the classroom choice texts during a verbal tirade, calling the books "stupid," "smelly," and "detrimental to their burgening process of cognitive development."
"These books blow!" she added. "How am I supposed to acquire language and listening skills from books that are mainly nonsense and insulting to my intelligence?"
"Not to mention culturally excluding to some of my ethnically diverse classmates."
When the teacher tried to redirect the student to some other books that might be appropriate and engage her, the child yelled "And what the fuck is a reading lexile?"
Mr. Muffin Meowywise to receive co-author credit.
An author has just done the impossible and written an entire novel in one sitting without disturbing the cat on her lap.
Publishers are lining up to give Alice Partaman's romance a book deal less because of the writing (which is pure droll, actually) and more because they will be able to market this as the first novel "partially written" by an American Shorthair.
"There were moments when I thought he was going to leave, but he would just reposition himself to block the screen," she said. "But he did reach out and actually type the the "Z" and "forward slash" buttons."