An English Teacher's Worst Nightmare

Plus, NaNoWriMo Wins Again and No John Grisham's

Hello, reader.

Ottessa Moshfegh is a savage.

Say what you will about her books or her style of writing, but this author is very, very brave.

Of course, wasn’t she always? “Why now,” you might ask…

Is it the feminist undertones of her huge output? Is it her attention to detail that shows the worst of her characters (and us?) Perhaps it is the strange left turn a lot of her writing takes, landing somewhere between gross and grotesque?

Yes, for all of that. I recently reread Death in Her Hands by listening to the audiobook and I must say, the twist of that book is as powerful as it was when I first read it in 2020.

I first “fell in love” with Moshfegh in 2017, when one of my friends who owns an excellent bookstore in Greenport, NY (Burton’s Books) randomly sent me a collection of her short fiction titled Homesick for Another World. I was instantly hooked, instantly a fan.

So much so that when I read that Ottessa Moshfegh sells her old jewelry on Depop, I immediately created an account and bought some stuff. I wear a few of her old enamel pins on my jean jacket. I also saved the envelope with her return address “just in case.”

That last bit sounds weird, but I assure you, I have no interest in going to her house and swimming in her pool or something. I’m obsessed, but not obsessive. I keep it as one keeps an old gift card that they’ll never use. I keep it so I can tell her one day that I kept it and we can have a light chuckle (if and when we ever meet).

So why all of a sudden am I proclaiming her a savage? Well, a few days ago, Ottessa posted on her Substack that she is cancelling all of her streaming platforms besides Criterion Collection and the small, independent MUBI (I love that she knows what that is).

By making it a public announcement, it means “no-backsies.”

Doubling down, she even posted screenshots of her cancellation confirmations of the big four—Netflix, Hulu, Max, and Peacock. No word if she has Amazon Prime.

Here’s my fave:

I’m sure I’ll keep this screenshot on my phone the same way that I keep the envelope.

Even better, she titled the article “My Year of Books and De-Netflix-ication.” Classic.

In that same post, Ottessa also told us that she is restricting Youtube on her Mac.

Why is she doing this?

“Last night REwatched ‘Love is Blind: Brazil,’ dubbed. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I can feel my soul rot.” (You can read the whole article here).

I love this for her, and applaud anyone brave enough to declutter their lives from streaming services.

I wish I could follow suit, but we have two small children; one needs to watch Bluey at every meal, the other strange videos of a foreign man playing with toys from Cars.

I wish I could say I’m following her into the streamless blue yonder, but I really need Peacock so I can watch international rugby. Hulu to finish Dark Side of the Ring. Max incase there’s another Penguin or House of the Dragon….the list goes on.

Anyways…

Our top story concerns an English teacher who is waiting for someone to mention her clever literary t-shirt.

Also, depression rates are spiking for young people who did not finish a novel during NaNoWriMo.

Finally, a tag sale has some old, used books but none of them are John Grisham. What the fuck people?

Well, here you go.

The 2024 National Novel Writing Month sent young writers down an emotional and mental spiral.

About one-third of writers who participated in National Novel Writing Month, also known as NaNoWriMo, screened during the last few days of November were found to have depression, anxiety, or both, which is higher than in months past. 

A new report by the Student Experience in the Research University (SERU Consortium) attributes this spike to most writers not being able to finish their novel within the 30 day time frame.

In the annual event, participants commit to writing a 50,000 word novel between November 1 and 30th. Contest organizers are aware that writing anything good within that short timeframe is almost impossible, yet still take pleasure in watching young writers suffer.

"NaNoWriMo is single-handedly responsible for feelings of depression and suicide for most young writers around the holiday time," said one mental health professional.

…but it did have one water-damaged copy of Michael Crichton's 'The Lost World' and several 'Chicken Soup' books.

Used book aficionados at a tag sale in Shrewsbury, MA were disappointed with the paperback selection on the '25 cent table.'

"It's a disgrace," said one local, looking to finally read 'The Firm' or 'The Chamber.'

"I can't believe they have the balls to even go through with it," said another who hoped to buy at least one Grisham novel for their guest bathroom.

"What, you're too good to sell your old John Grishams?" yelled one disappointed heckler.

The family running the tag sale closed early due to pressure from angry visitors, and promised to open again next weekend with the proper amount of legal thrillers in accordance with town and state laws.

Will anyone applaud her genius?

An English teacher at Windham High School is still waiting for at least one comment about her Shakespeare shirt which uses hip, contemporary slang. You see, a few years back "lit" acquired the meaning "exciting," as well as a broader meaning along the lines of "excellent."

But "lit" is also short for literature so by the shirt pairing the word with a cool Shakespeare wearing sunglasses, there's a double-meaning that even the Bard himself would chuckle at.

Even though she doesn't really "like" Shakespeare or even have to teach it (too difficult for her kids) she thought someone would have already commented on how awesome it is.

I mean, it’s got a picture of a playwright from the 17th century wearing sunglasses, for God’s sake!

In fact, she's actually quite nervous that one of her students might ask her what her favorite play is (she's seen the Leonardo DiCaprio 'Romeo and Juliet) or a co-worker might start talking to her about Shakespeare's use of "pathetic fallacy" (I know, why doesn't he just use a better one?).

Despite that, she was going for the "hey--I might be an English teacher, but I'm one of the cool ones who wears sneakers with dress pants or just gives everyone 100s just for trying" look.

Still, she imagines an older English teacher who doesn't know that you can buy things on the internet saying, "Where did you get that?" and she'll pretend like she doesn't remember.

"Hmmmm, not sure, I’ve had this forever. But isn’t it just the best?" she'd say in a self-congratulatory way, almost taking credit for it like she made it by hand herself and didn't just purchase it on Zazzle. 

Maybe a few years ago, her shirt would have been the talk of the faculty room, and she’d be congratulated on being so laid back and brave enough to wear a t-shirt on a day other than Casual Friday. But this year, due to work overload and low morale, nobody could give a shit.

By the end of 6th period, she'll just put on her little jean jacket and pretend it didn't mean that much to her anyway.