A New SciFi Novel, Conrad-Themed Riverboat Tours, and a Car Ride with Andre the Giant
A Roundup of Literature News You Care About
Thanks for spending your day with us, dear reader. Bless your heart!
A newly-released excerpt from a car ride with Samuel Beckett and a young Andre the Giant is today’s top story.
We’re also reviewing a personalityless science fiction novel and looking into a Conrad-themed riverboat tour in the Congo. Let’s get to it.
A new science fiction book that is about to hit shelves is so goddamn long and full of nonsense that we just decided to give it a good review because it’s probably too smart for us.
But based strictly on the cover, we're pretty sure the protagonist is a spaceman who gets lost on a planet he comes to recognize is more like Earth than he originally realized. We thumbed through it for a bit and recognized some made up words that we're pretty sure are either names of spaceships or planets.
The book in question has just enough sci-fi tropes and cliches that we're sure it will immediately be embraced by the nerd community, whatever the hell it’s about. In a few months, they might even start demanding online that it get made into a Netflix series.
8 out of 10 laser guns.
Cruising the Congo River and its tributaries is an exploration of the African spirit. This riverboat tour is a colonial experience set with modern comfort as we celebrate the ingenuity of the heroic white navigators who first traveled these dark waters.
The authenticity of the experience is brought to life through our delicious regional cuisine, great onboard regional music, and customized excursions to historic landmarks soon-to-be-property of the British Museum.
Enjoying one of these Conrad-themed cruises will leave you with a growing ennui and startling realization that everything about British colonization and European hegemony is super fucked-up.
Use code KURTZ to save 20% at booking!
Talk about an awkward commute…
Many people are surprised to learn that Irish novelist and playwright Samuel Beckett drove Andre Renee Rousimoff (aka Andre the Giant) to school in the 1950s when Beckett was living in the small French town of Ussy-sur-Marne.
We were able to get our hands on some excerpts from these awkward car rides, and we present the most convivial (and decipherable) one here for you.
Beckett: So, uh, your father tells me the kids at school are bullying you.
Andre: (unintelligible muttering and grunting)
Beckett: Right, so you know that you are at least 3x the size of any of the kids making fun of you and you could easily smash them into jelly?
Andre: (confused mumbling)
Beckett: Ok, good talk. Same time tomorrow, then?
Andre: (more incomprehensible burbles).
It’s nice knowing you, reader. We’ll see you down the road apiece.